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There's no magic sign that it's time to divorce

As each wedding anniversary passes, you may ask yourself if you would do it again if you had the chance. Would you marry your spouse again, knowing how it would all turn out? If the answer is no, it is likely that the thought of divorce has crossed your mind. If you are hesitating to file the papers, do you know why?

In some cases, a spouse who is thinking about divorce does not necessarily want to leave his or her partner. The spouse may simply want something different or better -- something the two may find together with a good therapist. However, how do you know if this transformation is possible for you or if it is time to contact an attorney to learn about your rights under California divorce law?

Not an easy decision

Of course, only you can know if it is time to end your marriage. Your relationship is unique, and you alone understand if your spouse is willing to do the work it would require to rebuild your marriage. You may hear yourself telling your friends to try to work out their own marital struggles, but would that advice work for your situation? There is certainly no magic signal that will alert you to when the marriage is over, but you may recognize the futility in some of these signs:

  • You are looking forward to the time when the kids are older so you can leave the marriage.
  • You and your spouse no longer share any common activities, goals or even inside jokes.
  • You wouldn't be too upset if you learned your spouse was having an affair.
  • You and your spouse have lost respect for each other to the point where you cannot even speak civilly in public.
  • At the end of the workday, you find reasons to procrastinate going home.
  • If your spouse comes home late, you do not wait to eat dinner together.
  • You spend more time thinking about what it would be like to be single than you spend thinking about your spouse or your marriage.
  • You can no longer summon up the feelings of compassion or empathy when you think of your partner.

If your spouse is abusive or refuses to seek treatment for a drug or alcohol addiction, the decision to end the marriage may be more obvious. However, one should not make a decision of this magnitude without first obtaining the information and guidance of a skilled attorney who can protect your rights throughout the process.

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